I never realized how hard it would be not to have a job- to be a man and be bored is extremely dangerous. But then the dilemma is do I just do thing to fill the time? ..Well of course not, but when there's not much to do, what do you do? Really, (I think) the right answer to this question is ask people what they need to be done for them, and either help them or do it for them. Have I done this? No. BUT, with observation skills there is no need to ask.
Regardless of this asking matter, what have I been doing?
Having trouble sleeping (or the first time in my life- really.)
Played ultimate frisbee.
Spent time with my family :)
Had a doctor dig into my toe- gross I know..
Seeing neural psychologists
More frisbee
Applied for jobs for the Fall
Sent transcripts
Started adoral (recommendation from the neural psychologist)
Went to The Village Denton, talked to Beau Hughes about Recovery.
Went grocery shopping with my mom's Kroger card.
Watched a movie and ate pizza with the Heather (sis 1/3).
Going to an interview tomorrow for bus driving in Allen ISD.
Going to help with a special ed ministry using horses tomorrow...
Really there's more.. but that's all off the top of my head.
See? Life is easy.
Really, with the blessings Christ has given us, besides life with victory over sin, air to breathe, parents that love us, etc. it should be that easy.
But its not.
To be honest, friends, I've been feeling pretty alone the last two weeks. Through this, the Lord has shown me and is showing me:
That all I need is in Him.
Obedience isn't easy.
Its ok to miss people you love, even if you can't see them anymore.
Don't take what you have for granted.
Community is so much.
Without it a man feels..
..like I do right now..
Separated
Severed
Missing something
Missing loved ones
But Why? Because I'm missing the mark. It's not about me and how I feel. It's not about what I miss or the people I can't see.
My focus should be the gospel- the Word. Getting that out. Using my struggles, my skills and abilities, even my failures.. especially my failures (..the Spirit says..).
So what have I really learned?
Without the gospel I am nothing.
Without the blood, there is no life.
Focussing on other things too much leads to selfishness, to isolation, to sin..
The gospel is what I need.
God is so good to us.
If you're reading this, I miss you.
Wow, long post. Dress nice for your interview.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, "all we need" is Jesus, but we need community too, ya know? Yeah, you know. So don't think that you're a screw up because you're lonely after just having made a huge life shift from a place of intense, "always-on" community to something entirely different.
Missing people and feeling lonely itself isn't a sin, broseph. The sin happens when you dwell on your loneliness instead of taking it to Jesus, and when you ignore the Truth in order to work up some self-pity. (You had said "missed the mark," so I read that as "sin.")
Of course it's not all about you, but that doesn't mean God doesn't care about you, your feelings, or what you're going through. He cares immensely, and knows you better than you could ever hope to know yourself. And you're right, it's not about the things or people you miss, but that doesn't meat it's sin to miss them or acknowledge that you miss them.
And I miss you too.